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Kony 2012: The Three Easiest Ways to Wrap it Up

James Connelly:

KONY 2012 is the movement to support the invisible children in Uganda. Joseph Kony, in a nutshell, runs a really successful army of children like a modern day black Peter Pan. A group of people are upset that Kony is taking these children to Neverland (African jungles) to fight for power against Captain Hook and his crew (African people). The issue on hand now is not what is happening in Neverland but where do we go after watching a modern day propaganda film, not saying it was positive or negative, to make us feel a certain way (the Third Reich would be proud).

So what are the pros of having an army of little people? Well let’s ask Willy Wonka he had a whole army of them and was the most famous candy maker in the world. Am I suggesting that the jungles of Africa have an amazing factory where the snozberries taste like snozberries? No because if that were the case I would be over at the Kony factory right now trying to get my hands on a Kony everlasting gobstopper. What I think is happening is I am getting extremely confused because if these children are invisible the solution is simple. Has everyone not seen Harry Potter? I think he had it all figured out there. If you pop in the first Potter movie boom half way in Ron and Harry are having a “Happy” Christmas and then go on to give a how to guide concerning the basics of using invisibility to your advantage. So solution one, wait till everyone is asleep throw on you dead parents invisibility cloak like Harry and be careful of the creepy Janitor.

Easy as 3.14

What the second step should be is lets take a look at the late great Osama Bin Ladin a man only comparable to the great escapist Harry Houdini. Well until they both got caught/died. I mean a Navy Seal team took down Osama so here is solution number two in great detail. Brief six very qualified people to carry out the mission to take down Kony. The team has to consist with these six men and no one else. Team leader has to be Liam Neeson who is over qualified. The second in command needs to be Bruce Willis who no matter how many small people Kony will send after him he will some how not die and have a great catch phrase. Next would have to be the shape shifter known of Christian Bale because who doesn’t want Batman on your team? Literally he saw he parents killed and became a super hero instead of joining Kony. So what is wrong with all of these other kids and why are they not following his lead. He would be a great role model and we would have a ton of new super heroes. Fourth on the roster would be Brad Pitt because with his good looks comes tons of experience and knowledge of the land from all the times he has gone over to adopt a new child. Also he helped kill Hitler and he is best friends with George Clooney who made an apperace in the Invisible Children video. Coincidence? I think not. Fifth would be Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson who would deliver a Rock Bottom to Kony’s arm. The guy beat Hulk Hogan, Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Undertaker so I am guessing this wouldn’t be so hard for him. Finally rounding off the team would have to be Nicolas Cage because what team doesn’t need a wild card. Cage is the guy on the team that would join the Kony army only to steal Kony’s treasures to finance Ghost Rider 3 and then take control of said army making him our next most wanted person in the world.

When you buy posters from Start Kony 2012 this is what they send.

The only other explanation and third solution is to embrace it because Kony is misunderstood. Kony may actually be onto something here. Now listen I am against a lot of it but hear me out. I believe a post apocalyptic time is coming where districts form instead of countries or states. These districts will upraise against the futuristic world capitol. Of course the capitol wins which is what Kony is planning for and when this happens the create a yearly spectacle to prove superior, and now this is just a guess, a concept of an all out death match where two teenagers from each district have to compete each year and I think they will call it the Hunger Games. If this is the case Kony has been training his district for years and whatever district he lands in it will already be ready for the first annual Hunger Games as the favorite to win.

What can we really do about it? Think critically and not believe everything we read. If something motivates you and moves you read more into it.  Understand every side. I do not agree with one side or the other because I believe my plans are better but my last point is always in any situation think critically.

About James Connelly

James Connelly is a College Graduate who plans to pay his loans by becoming a Power Ranger (They have a great benefits program.) After that he plans on marrying Taylor Swift and then breaking her heart just so she will write a song about him.

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This entry was posted on March 13, 2012 by in Project Humor and tagged , , , .

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