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What Happened to the Coolest Guy in America?

by Sean Connelly

Yes, he’s water skiing with a leather jacket. Oh, and he’s about to jump over a shark.

Before there was Facebook, Twitter, or The Most Interesting Man in the World, there was one man that reigned supreme: Arthur ‘Fonzie’ Fonzarelli. This man was quite literally the coolest man on the planet. If you don’t remember who Fonzie was let me help remind you. Fonzie was the coolest kid in high school, drove a motorcycle, lived by himself, was rarely seen without a leather jacket, and could make a jukebox play whatever he wanted to just by elbowing it.

This guy is the definition of Original Swag. Unfortunately, he was just a television character played by Henry Winkler. I have always assumed Henry Winkler had just as much swag as Fonzie though. I mean he played Fonzie on Happy Days; the show that made him famous and then played Fonzie on five other television shows. I always thought that Winkler would just show up on set to the other shows and say something like, “You’re welcome” after showing up to do his guest spot.

You may be asking yourself ‘why is he talking about a show that went off air in 1984’ and to that I say, ‘It’s Fonzie you moron!’ Anyways as I was thinking how cool it must have been to be Fonzie back in the day my mind drifted to the though of what was Henry Winkler doing today? Henry Winkler has been working quite steadily since Happy Days but his roles were never quite the same, I mean all that needed to happen was for a casting producer to say I need Henry Winkler in this movie and he would’ve done it but unfortunately his cool streak was over.

He found a show to latch onto for one season in 1994 after taking small bit parts and voice rolls. Monty, from what I read, absolutely sucked. It was about Henry Winkler playing a Rush Limbaugh character and his family was super liberal. No wonder this show failed. I feel it’s safe to say liberals and conservatives alike absolutely hate Rush Limbaugh, so a show making the main character a guy like him is probably a pretty back idea. The promo poster sums the whole season up.

After that debacle Henry kept taking on bit parts and voice acting parts. My favorite during this time period was his role as Meathook in the cartoon series, Street Sharks. This is where the precipice truly ended and for some reason Winkler kept walking, thinking a better role would come along.

His next role of note was playing the principal in Scream, where he was murdered after he had about a minute of screen time. He was a douche in that though so it’s whatever. Then he played a bad guy in P.U.N.K.S. and I’m kind of fuzzy on the plot, but I think he was trying to steal a guy’s brain. Anyways, how could you go wrong staring alongside Randy Quaid? Oh that’s right, a lot of ways.

Poor career choice Winkler.

Oh my God! I almost forgot about The Waterboy! You guys remember him in that movie right? He was a once great coach that had a nervous breakdown and became the biggest pussy on the face of the earth! Why Winkler, why? If I could steal a line from Forrest Gump, that’s all I have to say about that. He then went on to grab a part in my favorite show of all time Arrested Development.

He played the lawyer of the family, Barry Zuckercorn. This is the role that solidified why Henry Winkler was no longer cool. He was a loveable but a bumbling idiot that was as inept as a lawyer as he was at picking up transvestite prostitutes. From coolest man in America to bumbling idiot, Henry Winkler has always been able to capture not only my attention, but also my heart. So no matter what, I will fight tooth and nail to defend Henry  Winkler’s crown as coolest man in America. And if you don’t agree….

Sit On It.

About Sean Connelly

My life can be summed up by any song Barry Gibb has written

One comment on “What Happened to the Coolest Guy in America?

  1. Pingback: Top Ten Fictional Sports Teams « project landmine

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This entry was posted on April 18, 2012 by in Project Humor and tagged , , , , , .

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