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Long Lost Cereals

by James Connelly

Cereal is the start of almost every American’s mornings. It’s quick, easy and the selection is endless. Cereal has been a very large part of the last few years of my life. Especially because the hard work started by Project Landmine Author, Mike Davies, in 2009. This was the creation of the cereal wall with all Market Basket Brand cereal boxes acting as our home wallpaper. The end result was hundreds of boxes and 100% satisfaction.

It made me wonder the years that cereal has been a staple for breakfast which ones have fallen into the obscurity of the cereal history books. A majority of the cereal I came across made me wish that I was not born in 1990 just so I could get a bite of this discontinued gems. As I continued to look up long lost cereals I came across a company called Ralston. Now known as Ralcorp, Ralston was the the king of getting popular children’s television, video game or pop culture figure throwing a random type of cereal in the box and making a lot of money.

Nerds Cereal
1985

Right away this cereal is so confusing. Not once does it explain what this cereal even is. The explain you can have one color first but which one will you pick? But what are kids even pouring in the bowl? It is not hard to see why they are not a General Mills company with some of their business choices for cereals. Nerds Cereal capitalized on children not needing to know what was in the box all that mattered way their favorite candy was on the front. Who ever thought Nerds and milk sound like they mix well together? Ralston marketed the cereal as tiny tangy crunchy sweetened cereal….no thanks.

Dunkin’ Donuts Cereal
1988

Out of this whole list I would have loved to try this one the most. The  world’s smallest donuts in every spoonful. The cereal came in glazed and chocolate flavors. The cereal also had a send away for a Dunkin’ Donuts duffle bag because nothing says Dunkin’ Donuts like a duffle bag…

Breakfast with Barbie
1989

If you have not figured out Ralston picking up and successful property to sell cereal this should make it very clear. Barbie had been a household name for years before this cereal was realsed but it was still the Queen of the toy universe. Not only could you bring Barbie to the breakfast table but you could also have Breakfast with Barbie! Clearly marketed toward young girls one box went as far as giving girls the chance to win a diamond worth $4,000. Anything to sell some cereal I guess.

WWF Superstars Cereal
1991

If anyone knows me they are not surprised this is on my list. WWF Superstars Cereal is not the flashiest once the box is opened but Hulk Hogan on a cereal box! Any kid would jump at this in 1991.  A simple corn cereal sold on the simple grounds that if Hulk Hogan eats this cereal I should eat this cereal. I wonder if he ever fed this to Brooke?

Nintendo Cereal System
1988

A perfect way to draw in kids in the late 80’s was to throw anything Nintendo on the box. Nintendo Cereal System had the draw of free posters and trading cards. Obviously a catchy tune to have the kids annoy their parents and on top of all of this on the back of the box it read “Jump on the chance to win a Nintendo Entertainment System Power Set!” Sold.

G.I. Joe Action Stars Cereal
1985

This cereal may be the most misleading on this list. If breakfast was that much of a pain in the ass every morning at my my house I might have just skipped it. If I have to fight Cobra and then fly to school count me out. But if Duke (or in movie form Channing Tatum) is going to eat breakfast with me every morning I’ll think about it.

Urlelo-O’s
1991

Yeah this happened. That is all.

Kellogs cereal now own a lot of Ralston cereal brands and some that we still see today. The list of Ralston cereals could go on and on. If you guys want to see some more long lost cereals let me know because I didn’t even scratch the surface on Ghostbusters and New Kids on the Block Cereal! This post has been a PART of your complete balanced breakfast.

About James Connelly

James Connelly is a College Graduate who plans to pay his loans by becoming a Power Ranger (They have a great benefits program.) After that he plans on marrying Taylor Swift and then breaking her heart just so she will write a song about him.

One comment on “Long Lost Cereals

  1. Michael Davies
    June 22, 2012

    Reptar Crunch was the tits!

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This entry was posted on June 22, 2012 by in Project Review.

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