project landmine

watch your step

Founding Fathers or Founding Frauds

by Jim Vinson

Often times the founders of our country are glorified.  We celebrate them with holidays, parades, and fireworks.  But what did they really do?  Do they deserve this praise?  I believe we must take a close look at what happened during the early days of the United States.

The first men and women to colonize the land, which we know today as the United States, were English.  We must look at the terms and conditions of their colonization.  It all starts with an agreement made with King George.  King George gives a select few land and permission to colonize new territories for their home country, England.  It is expected that they will send money back to England.

The way the colonist should pay this money is in the form of taxes.  Now, everyone loves to cry, “No taxation without representation.”  But why are they being taxed?  The colonists started this little thing called the French and Indian War.  So, how did colonists manage to finance a war? Oh yeah, England fought it for them.  After England won the war, the colonists had a debt to pay England.  When they refused to pay, England was understanding and said, “Its okay, you can pay us over time in taxes.  Don’t worry about it.  No big deal.”  Then the colonists said, “No. We’re not going to do that either.”  So finally England said, “You guys are being dicks.  We’re going to come get our money.”  Then, the Revolutionary War ensued.

England was a professional army.  They followed the established and agreed upon rules of war.  They met in open field and exchanged shots, safely away from any civilians.  In other words, they were honorable.

The Colonial Army used a different method of attack.  They ambushed unsuspecting English soldiers; killing them when they were defenseless.  The English were never sure when or where or who the colonists would attack.  There was no way of knowing how low the colonists might stoop.  Back then they called themselves the militia; today we know these tactics by another name…terrorism.

The militia was made up of people from all different backgrounds.  They were the common people.  They were called upon by the rich colonists to fight for their cause.  Once the colonists defeated England (largely due to the militia), what did the rich colonists in charge do? They began to tax the common people who won the war for them.  So, what changed?  The answer is the guy getting paid.

The despicable behavior transferred to print as well. When writing the Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson also made sure that life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness only applied to white males.  If there was no slavery, how would Thomas Jefferson meet girls?   I’m not saying that every colonist was horrible.  I’m not even saying that the majority of colonists were horrible.  Surely there were heroic men and women who were just doing what they believed was morally right (and that really is all you can ask of someone).  But, the fact is…some of them were assholes who turned their back on their country and exploited their countrymen just for their own gain.

About Jim Vinson

I don't get hung up on "the facts"

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This entry was posted on July 4, 2012 by in Project Humor.

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